yermight

 If you ever thought you would miss out on something you better open your eyes it's right there in front of you and if you don't believe me thats ok because you are missing out not me. For me I see what is in front of me and if i can change i'll keep what is so precious to me.
Talking with her is more then just aducational it's inspiring. She's reading Lord of he Rings to me now and given what she might believe I do enjoy it.

 Ya so might be here all night off and on, if that ok with you all? Liz thinks she going to F**** me in the *ss with her new part to her body I don't think that

 

03/19/08 
I would have started this 3 days ago but other things came into play seems, Seems lately thats what allow to happen. It's been almost 3 years sence I even decide to start righting again I guess I thought I did not need to but lately I finding that I want to at least maybe to clear my head maybe just to vent who knows? Things have change a lot in my life in my last entry I mentioned that I noticed some one well turns out we did get together and a cost to both of us. We all remember the hag from the deep? LoL if not here is a refresher for you remember the that oh I'm so sweet and can't do wrong blonde? Yes? I might have spoke with her in the past 3 years 6 or 7 times maybe less but this past week in less then 6 days its been 3 times. Ya scared what is she planning? Who cares as long as I stay my ground it will be fine right? God Hope So!!! Anyways thats not the real reason I'm writing it turns out that problems just don't go away doesn't matter what you really do or maybe does and I'm doing them wrong of course thats me though. I know the right thing to do but do I do it? Hell no why should I? Must like the pain. So you noticed it ya relationship problems but this time it's not me wanting out and time it's her ya the one spoke of. For once I found someone that I could give myself to with out fear and I some how messed it up, I did learn from it but it might be to late for one I keep trying when I should just tell her I'll be here for her two I can't stop thinking about her, yes another big mistake. So now Becca as found out and she seems to be taking advantage of the situation. First fear if I leave Liz alone to get her self together or her thoughts and emotions will she come back? 50/50 chance. Second if I keep after her telling her how much I lover her and doing things for her or asking for time will she just walk away? 70/30 chance bad odds there. The right thing would be to care enough to let her be her self to let go. This is in no way going to be easy but I have to if I want any chance at all and it's not just about the chance it's about caring for her. So do I ask for one night a week or nothing at all? I don't like testing the waters. She tells me she wants us to have a chance but shes hurt, I don't blame her. Did it again why can't I keep my fucking mouth shut? She tell me that the other guy wont call her because of me if he really wanted her he would I would so I gave her my phone then they can have there privacy with out me knowing anything, do I like the idea? No but what am suppose to do I don't want her feeling like shes trapped here, last thing I ever want is to trap her. I just ant her to love me like before.

Ok gotta go don't think I should be writing like this.

03/22/08 05:21:59 AM 3 days I know I should have done some writing but to be honest I believe Liz and I make it something happened not sure what but does it matter? maybe not at least for me it doesn't i'm Happy. Becca called this week again accusingly of course, Jakes getting to that age where hes tring new things and instead of guiding him she wants to stop him her biggest down fall to be controlling. LOL she will loose.

Most important ive asked many time if Liz will or would still marry me today at lunch just out of the blue she said lets get married, scared? Yes!!! why? I don't want to screw up again, its tough to let go of the pass hard to believe people will make chances for you just because they care also, I will and have but to ask for some one else to do it for you is well selfish. Wouldn't you say? Right know i'm the happest guy in the world because shes right here with me and she said her face hurts because of the smiling she has done the past few days, so why not be happy? She still wants be friends with Jared thats her choice she knows I don't like the idea and that I don't care for him but I trust her. We are watching U2 I have to say I have grown to like them. I feel like crying for some reason, I think I know why but afraid to say it out aloud to admit it to myself. I should quit writing before I say to much and I do say something I'll regret later in life.

03/30/08 10:41:01 PM My middle name should be screw up or maybe just ASSHOLE, It would seem I have other reasons to do stuff. 

03/31/08 9:28pm Never did finish last night my entry that might be for the good, anyways I'm not totally sure why I started this livejournal thing, many reasons I guess one I will not loose ten years aof journal two I'm hoping this could bring her closing yto me really dorky I Know but I never said I was a smooth character. So the reason I started putting an entry in last night is that we had a fight and I get so confused on what to do during those times, do I leave for a bit give each other time to think or stay and try and understand what we are arguing about and hope it doens't get worse in the prosses, well I stayed and yes it did get worse and it did get better I think, either way we did quit the fighting but I'm not sure we came to a compermise or if we even resolved anything, some times it's tough to understand her, I mean I can't tell if she wants to meet each othwer or for me just to lay off on the hole thing, not sure if thats how to say it or not. Ya so did some cloths, cleaned the bathroom from top to bottum, and made dinner I feel like a home maker i hate not working my ass off and this pass year sucks dick in so many ways, work wise that is, I enjow working and bring in the money but up here there is no work and the work that is here pays shit. She tells me i can work my ass off so we can get the things we want, one thing that is nice is that she has the same dreams as I. Get some land, build a home and maybe try a small hobby farm not a bad way to live i'd say problem is money and where to get it. She left me because I wasn't paying attention to her and for us to aford  land or even a home I'm going to have to work my ass off and where does that leave us? Life sucks some times!!!